So I’m at this hotel in the Bay Area for a financial seminar (no that’s not the bit)
… and during each break the guy right behind me takes out his acoustic guitar and starts playing.

And people all around act like they are all impressed and entertained. But I am getting more and more irritated … to the point where I am about to pull a 'John Belushi Animal House' move … just grab the fucking guitar out of his hand and smash it against the wall.

I even told the guy next to me, ‘I swear to christ, man, if he starts singing “I gave my love a cherry…”  look out cuz I am gonna lose it.'

He gives me an uneasy laugh, but that is the kind of shit that just blows me thru the roof.

And maybe it’s just flashbacks of my fucking moron brother who plays guitar and just thinks because he plays guitar and there is one right there that , ‘Hey, I know, I will pull out my guitar and just start jamming for everyone. Everyone will totally like it! I won’t even bother to ask, I will just play like 5 notes of random songs and then just break into another one and part of another and ………”

Terrific, a douche bag melody!

Geezus fuck … why is it always the smarmy guitar guy?

What if I just carried around a fucking accordion with me? Or bagpipes? Would it be socially acceptable to just bust it ‘em out and ‘jam’ for everyone?

Hey everyone look at me … I can play an instrument, even though it’s totally inappropriate and no one asked me to, but I don’t care cuz I am totally going to entertain people with my totally awesome skills.

Why is that ok?

It’s about the equivalent of just lighting up a big fucking cigar in a crowded elevator … totally intrusive.

Creepy, guitar playing guys … god damn …

And with that … welcome to another sweet, thoughtful edition of SINacle …

A couple other things that I have had it with …

Alternate Endings!

Okay, I spend $11 to go see a movie at the theater and I watch and enjoy the movie, probably not $11 worth, but that’s for another time … so I see the movie, I go home and I have been told a story: Beginning-Middle-End.

BUT, a few months later I rent said movie and bring the DVD home and BOOM! … there is alternate endings!!! What the fuck?!?!

I have 3 choices on how I want this movie to end???

Wait, wait, wait … I payed you $11, I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE STORY!!! Entertain me!

I don’t want multiple choice!!!

Curtain Number 1: Everyone lives happily ever after

Curtain Number 2: Evil Twin

Curtain Number 3: It was all a dream

Look … I am a simple guy … I am easy … I like Diet Pepsi, white Tic-Tacs and cartoons … and I LIKE YOU TO TELL ME HOW YOUR GOD DAMN MOVIE ENDS!!!

Don’t give me an option … Tarantino doesn’t do it, Scorsese doesn’t do it …

Don’t YOU fucking do it … it cheapens your art …

Although … if I could have gotten an alternate ending to Titanic … maybe Kate Winslet would move her fat ass over a smidge so Leo could have gotten up on the big floating door …

And here is another thing that I am over … chicks walking around in UGG boots …

Yeah, it was cute when Kate Hudson did it about 4 years ago … her little shorts, slinky tank top, her hair thrown into a ponytail, cruising around in her UGG boots …

But, YOU ARE NOT KATE HUDSON … and you aren’t even wearing real UGG boots … you are just lazy and you can’t find your Crocs so you think society has given you a grooming hall pass and now it’s okay for you to just wear sweats and your dirty ass UGG knock-offs to the mall.

Do us all a favor, until you can put in a second of effort … stay home.

And another movie that could use an alternate ending: Pretty in Pink … I caught it the other day, and I still get pissed that Molly Ringwald chooses that pussy Andrew McCarthy over Duckie Dale.

I love John Hughes but he got that one wrong.

I caught this show on this guy who weighs like 900 lbs … just big as a fucking house. And the whole time I am thinking, man, get that guy up on some ice skates and put him in goal for the Boston Bruins.

If this guy had even one ounce of athleticism … he would be the greatest goalie in NHL history.

You know what else pisses me off … these kids with like 4.6 GPA’s.

I didn’t even know that was possible. I mean, remember when perfect was a 4.0?

Remember when you were struggling with your 2.3 GPA and you were bugged by the Asian chick who got all A’s and was so smart you were sure she was more qualified to teach the class than your unmotivated High School teacher.

And then you started hearing about these kids with GPA’s higher than 4.0.

Your kid doesn’t get into a college because they ONLY have a 4.0?!

Seems sneaky to me … like some secret society … I mean, there is no way you can get higher than all A’s unless there are a ton of hand jobs involved …

Which I would like to say is why I chose not to get higher than a 4.0 … but that might be a stretch …

I was watching Celebrity Rehab and there is a lady who works at the hospital and her name is Loesha.

She is white. (yeah, that's the bit)

I was driving in the Bay Area and noticed that a Krispy Kreme building was vacant … went out of business.

Krispy Kreme?!?!

That’s how bad our economy is … even Krispy Kreme’s going down, but there seems to be one place where the economy is thriving … one job that is springing up in droves ... and that would be:

‘Guy On Corner Waving A Sign’

Whether it’s a Verizon sign, a Subway sign or the guy dressed as a pickle … there is a guy on EVERY street corner now pitching some sort business.

So the next time you are driving around and the guy in the pickle suit gives you the finger … it’s just me saying hello.

I had to go to Best Buy on my way to a Super Bowl party and there were a couple guys buying huge flat screens … and I was thinking … I wonder how many of these guys buy the biggest TV in the store for the Super Bowl … have a big party … then return it the next day.

I was looking at some pictures I had taken, and you know those pictures you have of your kids or family or yourself somewhere and there is always some moron in the background, like at Disneyland or something …

Do you ever wonder how many random photo albums your dumb ass is in … maybe even framed on someone’s wall … weird.

The other day, someone asked me if I was religious. I said I believed in something bigger than me, I am not 100% sure it’s a guy with a beard, dressed in a robe, but yes, I believe in something … but then I started thinking …

Religion and religious beliefs are pretty much based on where you are born.

Where I was born, California … white middle-class… we had certain beliefs.

If I was born in Iran, I am sure Allah would be my man.

Utah, you know, I would probably be Mormon.

Born in Africa…

Born in Egypt …

My point is … and maybe this is one of my problems with religion … that more than anything it’s based on Geography.

You believe something and have total faith in something because of where you were born on Earth.

That’s a tuff one for me … some sort of Heaven and Earth lottery system for the afterlife.

But religion and politics are not something I will ever spend much time on at SINacle.com.

But it is a nice segue to the song of the month … which was inspired by someone who posted in the comments as 21st Century Digital Boy … so this month … Bad Religion …

And after a couple requests for last month’s song, I put up a playlist and made the songs available for download.

OK, that’s it …

oh wait, I have alternate endings for this months SINacle, just choose which ever one you feel the best about ...

1. I stop writing and you all live happily ever after
2. You realize it has all been written by my evil twin
3. This whole SINacle thing was just a bad dream

or we just go with the way it's supposed to end ...


- Until next time - SEM